24/12/2024
We're leaning heavily on Santa Claus, and the proof of the pudding is in his eating of it.
It’s been 54 years since motown quintet The Jackson 5 included hit record “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” on their fourth studio album. Since then we’ve experienced a major global recession, several G20 summit meetings to tackle global warming and a population increase of over 4 billion. But in a world of innovation, there has been one constant; Santa Claus and his coming to town(s). However, is it still certain that Santa Claus is coming to town? And if he isn’t—who will?
Basic principles of Christmas mythology: why does Santa Claus come to town?
The Christmas mythology surrounding Santa Claus is opaque. We can trace earliest mentions of the icon back to 4th Century Myra, by the name of St. Nicholas. Our would-be Father Christmas was a respected community figure who dropped dowries down chimneys and worked as a local bishop.
Beyond St. Nicholas’ initial foray into philanthropy, his brand took a leap in 1087 when his relics were taken to Italy. However, it wasn’t until the 17th century that St. Nicholas would become one of the most popular figures in Christmas mythology; in the Netherlands he would be given the moniker of Sinterklaas, while Ben Jonson fast-tracked his fatherly status in popular culture with “Christmas, His Masque” at the Globe Theatre, London. The reimagined “Santa Claus” steadily built on the hype until before establishing his global gift-giving operation in the 20th century.
Santa Claus motives are infamously vague. We can assume he’s independently wealthy by the scale of his business and its unsustainable overheads. He has of course participated in a wealth of brand deals across the year—most notably the Coca Cola Santa ad of 1995—but this has done little to dispel the mystery around his public persona. While an odd blend of conservative and socialist values come into play, there is no simple way to know if Santa Claus is coming to town this year.
5 reasons Santa Claus may not be coming to town
We can assess the likelihood of Santa Claus’ coming by examining long-term trends in global culture and the North Pole’s business strategy. As such, we’ve compiled five reasons why Santa Claus may struggle to meet expectations. We will also outline grounds for his shirking of responsibility altogether.
1. Waning belief
A theory widely popularized through Jon Favreau’s 2003 study on St. Nicholas, “Elf“, is the sleigh being powered by Christmas cheer. According to a recent article by YouGov, only 65% of US parents say their children will hang up a stocking this year, and 45% will leave out cookies and milk. This is bad manners. Add that only 58% of parents have children that believe in Santa, and it’s clear that waning cheer levels will put a strain on mechanics. Santa does benefit from varied timezones. But downward trends in holiday cheer will certainly impact operations.
2. Changes in culture
Santa Claus is a public figure with global impact. The world population is more conscious than ever that he occupies this position undemocratically. As a remnant of feudal culture in a world that’s evermore republican, Santa Claus finds his position in modern society weaker than ever. It’s unsurpising to see reports that the Grotto is keeping a close eye on developments inside Buckingham Palace, with Mrs. Claus being a big fan of Netflix documentary “Harry & Meghan“. And it’s not just public resentment that’s on the up. While crime rates have regularly dropped over the last few decades, social media is fuelling a perception gap whereby the public believe the opposite to be true. Reports consequently suggest the naughty list will be larger than ever in 2024.
3. Limited talent pools
Santa’s supply chain and talent recruitment is more limited than ever. Contracting the free labor of elves is more bureaucratic than ever, even if they are willing. Furthermore, public unrest about Santa’s use of reindeer has risen since the first radio-airing of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” in 1949—only two years after courts ruled that organisations campaigning to end animal experiments suffered could no longer have charitable status. Take into account the continued digitalization of HR trends and a growing skill gap with AI, and you can expect innovation strategies are top of the agenda at the North Pole. This was, however, somewhat inevitable when choosing to build a workforce around mythical creatures and hoofed ruminants.
4. Population growth
Rising population levels mean overextending resources. The global population has increased by over 200% in the last 100 years alone. While only 31.6% are Christian families and a still smaller portion are of gift-receiving age, the North Pole is barely getting by. Inflation adds further pressure, with global prices being some 154 times higher in 2024 than in 1900. Procedures at the Grotto are feeling the pinch as its woefully monolithic economy bends under the weight of expectation.
5. Unrest behind closed doors
PR at the North Pole is something of a closed shop. Still functioning on an anticuated postal system, the Grotto’s communications department is renowned for inconsistent and often cryptic messaging. Factor in Santa’s tendency to send lookalikes to public appearances, and you’d be forgiven for believing reports that he’s falling further into paranoia and isolation. This may be a response to continued competition from alternate magical gift givers such as the three kings, who have a dominance over a number of besoke Christian markets. Whatever the reasoning, one thing is clear: Santa is keeping his cards close to his chest. This may mean difficulty brewing behind closed doors.
Debunking Christmas myths around Santa Claus: proof operations to continue as normal
We still believe Santa Claus will come to town despite these varying challenges. Christmas myths pop up every year about his dedication to the cause—all, as yet, have been unfounded.
New tools like Generative AI will no doubt streamline internal processes for the jolly man in red. He’s also free to borrow from innovative energy practices to alleviate strain on magical resorces. In fact, it would be foolish to measure his resources against our own metrics. The truth is we have very little understanding of magic. While we can hope to incorporate magical practices into our own by 2050, the R&D simply isn’t there. And it looks as though Santa will be safeguarding this information from malpractice for some time.
Whatever motivates Santa Claus, and whatever his methods, we can only cross our fingers in hope of his return. We, of course, continue to believe, as always. And we will continue to be very good, as we have all year, and thank Santa for his continued service.
